So here I am on Saturday afternoon all dressed up with no place to go, I need a life people. Last year was a mess you guys and I think that was the result of a build up of so many things, this year I’m not only praying but also striving for a difference in everything including my walk with God, academics, finances and the one I seem to talk about the most…relationships. You see, I’m not one to follow advice, oh trust me I can dish it out, I know the right things to do, doing them is where the actual problem lies, I’ve been labelled a sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic and even a melancholic by different persons based on their different interactions with me, and then I wonder why I can even fit into one or even a combination of two, ever so often I forget good judgement and act based on impulse or mood and of course I land into trouble for it, I do not believe I’m socially handicapped more like I’m interested in so many things at the same time, so maybe I’m a jack of all trades and not even a slave of one. Anyways what am I rambling on about, I’m befuddled, I’m sure you are too by now, maybe growing up is synonymous with confusion after all….
I miss my childhood where my hardest decision was the uniform to wear and the TV channels to watch, how many of us think that? If we’re to be honest with ourselves, I’d say most, if not all, of us do. Yet, have we ever pondered why we miss the past so much that sometimes we forget what to do with the present, for most of us, it is a cocoon of memories, of good times, of when the future was so far away and the thoughts of how we were going to find our place here in this world was just a vague sensation that was discarded immediately the next episode of KUWTK came on air, it’s a reminder of when happiness wasn’t so hard to find and when we found pleasure in simple little things like Chris brown and Jordin Sparks’ no air or a Mount Zion movie (don’t deny it, iguana you broke the pot wasn’t such a bad movie) , que sera sera was just a song and you never thought much about the lyrics, you could confidently tell anyone you were going to be a doctor or a lawyer (that’s what most 90’s babies wanted to be in my part of the world) and adults just blessed your little precocious soul, the brief period where we were oblivious to the fact that life could be a pain in the gluteo-anal region, then came the turbulence that was teens, old enough to know what freedom is but not wise enough to appreciate the fact that freedom may not be all we thought it was. We wanted to set out, to explore, but the adults wouldn’t let us, remember Taylor’s sixteen? That was my anthem back then, this was the period where we determined our self worth by what we wore, how current we were, what kind of music we listened to (I always told anyone who cared to listen that I never listened to Nigerian songs lol), who we rolled with, our grades in class .e.t.c. We knew more than our parents, or so we thought, fast track to the twenties, the anxiousness starts to show up, we see all the time we’ve wasted trying so hard to grow up, we look around and see our mates who’ve managed to accomplish things in the same time span that we’ve been on the same planet earth and we start to worry whether we’re going to be part of the 99% of the populace called the masses or the 1% who actually rule the world, we envy those who have it easier than us and we start noticing the subtle advantages to something we never thought about and our reality of the world shifts, we know now that Cinderella cannot get the prince because there’s no such thing as a fairy godmother, the rich guy will hardly ever go for the poor girl, so we learn to look more expensive than our bank account is, we know a lighter skin tone is more advantageous both in and outside Nigeria, and we try so hard to conform just to get ahead, for some of us we’re stuck at a job we have no love lost on, or in a course of study just because it guarantees security and so on. Little wonder why we revert back to those precious memories of when the weight of the world was something we were blissfully ignorant about.
I read something once somewhere that if we’re given a task beneath our skills, we feel unfulfilled, if it’s above our skills, we feel frustrated but with what we’ve been handed, who are we to choose? Many a parent still force their children to study a course because they feel it offers more security and down the line, the said child finds no joy in his or her field of study, can’t go back, starts to regret and reverts back to those precious memories. So many things force us to look back and wish we could be children again but I’ve got news which is both good and bad; we can’t.
So instead of wasting away thinking about what was right with us, why don’t we grow away from those memories in order to create new meaningful ones every day? Easy in theory but so so so hard to practice, starting afresh is a huge huge deal be it a course of study, a career, leaving a bad relationship behind or something as mundane as switching up the flavour of ice cream you’ve always liked (I find it hard not to buy strawberry & vanilla). Don’t you think pain for a brief period is better than an unfulfilled or a frustrated life? There’s a decision I’ve been thinking about making, it elicits laughter or an eye roll or weird respect from people, sometimes I wonder how to go about it, other times I’m thinking about time, but I’ve never not been at peace, I’ve always known I wasn’t satisfied with where I am, and if you don’t like where you are, you move.
Easier said than done but nevertheless, move, don’t live a life of regret wishing you could go back to when you were happy, create happiness for yourself, God knows it’s hard to find but when the opportunity presents itself take it, don’t think about the security of your current situation, sometimes the security blinds you to the possible glory that lies ahead. Yes it’s possible that it may be hard but then no pain no gain, life requires sacrifices, and you’re what, in your twenties? A fool at 40 is a fool forever not one at 21, so you’re allowed to have a potential for change even at 39, and you’ll never know just how good you are until you embark on your journey to recovery, and who knows where it will take you. Make plans because you plan to fail if you fail to plan, make possible investments, do meaningful work, what I mean is sweating and toiling for something you feel good about, meaningful work is something that makes you happy no matter how hard it seems, a doctor who loves saving lives would be happy studying medicine even if he’s on call 7 nights a week, even if he’s asleep on his feet, trust me I’ve seen examples.
We’ve only one life and even if you believe in reincarnation, wasting away isn’t a good way to spend a lifetime, so instead of wishing you could go back, grow away from the past and chase your dreams no matter how out of reach they seem to be, a little faith, a lot of work, and a keen eye for opportunities that life throws at you, and remember, you’re allowed to fall, you’re allowed to faulter, you’re even allowed to fail but quitting is not allowed.
Gloria.
