Everyone and their dog knows that communication is the key to strong relationships right? But what is it exactly? What do people mean when they utter this phrase?
Yes, you and the other party would engage in discussions over various things, favorite colors, places to eat, likes and dislikes etc, but what I want to talk about is when communication goes deeper than those surface conversations, when it goes to the root of what is seen on the outside.
I’ll give an example: let’s say you attend a social event with your partner and you decide to serve theirs plate before yours. They thank you and they decide to get drinks for both of you. Now you both have a meal and drinks by means of a division of labor – and no conversation preceded this action. At a later time, you are both reflecting on the social event and your partner mentions to you that they rushed to get the drinks because while they appreciated your serving a plate for them, they were concerned about coming across as patriarchal or potentially making you look subservient. They explain that you’re a treasure to them and they want that to be known to all that see you both together. You on the other hand explain that serving your significant other is an act of love for you which you learnt from your parents.
In that moment, you’ve both unearthed how much you feel about each other to a much deeper extent than “that party was fun”. By explaining motives of your actions, you’ve uncovered how ingrained the wellbeing of your partner is into your person. You’ve reinforced how valuable they are to you. All with a conversation.
I hope I’ve made you reflect on your communication a little, and I hope you will see positive changes in your relationships going forward.
Till next time,
Dr. ETP xo
