Hey beautiful people!
As alluded to in my last blog post, this article is about what happened AFTER the wonderful joy of childbirth. Funny how everyone just goes “my baby is here!” like that’s the end of the story, whereas the postpartum journey is something to definitely be acknowledged. For those who don’t know, I labored for 4 days before being taken in for an emergency caesarean section.
I had the immense privilege of knowing one of my surgeons as I’d worked with her shortly before I went on maternity leave and she tidily stitched me back together, my scar is really small and barely visible thanks to her diligence so I’m super grateful for that. I got wheeled out of the theatre and my son was immediately brought to me to attempt breastfeeding as he had also expended a lot of energy trying to push out of a non dilating cervix – it’s easy to forget that the baby is also under stress during delivery until they start showing signs on the monitors.
So there’s me, numb from the waist down, propped up in a raised bed with a baby right across my freshly sown together abdomen, attempting to breastfeed. Kind of crazy now that I think about it, immediately desiring to care for another human despite having just had a major surgery – but in the moment all I cared about was being able to feed him. I was really unsure as to whether any milk was coming out so I gave in and allowed my mum to give him a bottle of formula just so his glucose levels didn’t drop.
By midnight it was roughly 6 hours after delivery so the nurse came to check how I was – I had regained sensations in my lower limbs, though I was given a strong painkiller to keep the surgical pain numbed. As I could walk to the toilet and back unsupported (to her surprise, apparently most women wait around 12 hours to attempt), the nurse took out my catheter (which is a key step in post C/S recovery as it allows them to check if your bladder is back to normal function, having been off duty since the catheter drains the urine immediately it gets into the bladder – keeping it deflated which is necessary to get the baby out).
Around 2am when he was hungry again I had to call a lactation nurse to direct me on how to get the mechanics of breastfeeding right – and she was ever so patient and showed me how to be able to tell that he was getting fed, based on the sounds he made and the way his cheeks suctioned – this was especially relieving because I couldn’t actually feel the milk coming out of me.
Later in the day I had my doctor’s review and it was coincidentally done by the very first doctor I worked with when I resumed at the women’s health department! That felt like a full circle moment because I used to do post operation ward rounds who then became a patient in that ward haha. They gave me the usual advice around gradual recovery, not carrying anything heavier than my baby – and I had to inject myself with enoxaparin (a medicine that prevents the formation of dangerous bloodclots) every day for 6 weeks! Honestly pregnancy and childbirth forced my needle phobia out of me – this period was the most I’ve been pricked by a needle in my entire life.
Finally got allowed to go home in the afternoon and it was such a special moment, walking out into the welcoming sunshine with Samuel pushing our baby in our Doona car seat/pushchair alongside both my mums.
It’s important to note that from this point onwards, I was managing the surgical pain with only paracetamol and ibuprofen – if I had felt the pain was unbearable and required anything stronger, I would have had to stay in the hospital as the stronger meds can’t be given to take home. For the most part I was okay – but whenever I sneezed, coughed or laughed, I would feel this terrible hot tearing pain that was so severe I felt like I was ripping open at my C/S scar and I would have to check if I was bleeding from it. The pain was THAT bad. I was so worried I was bleeding internally from what felt like torn open stitches I started checking my pulse pressure intermittently.
It wasn’t until I was telling my friend who had recently had an emergency CS what I was going through that she told me her midwife advised her to press on her surgical scar area with a small pillow just before sneezing or coughing. That little bit of advice made my life 10x better as I could finally manage that tearing pain. Till now I can’t believe I’ve never heard that advice before – so I’ve obviously never given it to women and I had done post op ward rounds many times. Shocking how as a system it just leave mothers to figure out all that change on their own; their body having done a miraculous thing would need support in adjusting – the health system needs to do better on that front. So this is my little contribution towards helping women, please share this advice to any new mums who have a CS so they don’t have to suffer in silence.
Shout out once again to my support system, they literally brought me my meals in bed as the stairs were really hard to move up and down initially – anything that made me move the lower part of my abdomen was off limits for the first few days.
I didn’t leave the house at all – like not even to take the trash out; it was hard giving into being in recovery, like I wanted to be back on my feet immediately. It was this period that I realized I still find it hard to accept help but thankfully my loved ones knew better than to let me struggle my way through it.
Can I talk about the body dysmorphia? You’d think that knowing my body underwent changes over 9 months, I would know that it wouldn’t “snap back” in 24 hours but alas, I had fallen under self-inflicted pressure to return to my pre-childbirth figure – DAYS after delivery and so everyday I woke up feeling a type of way about my body. It didn’t matter that it was resolving pretty quickly – it didn’t feel like enough, as though there was some sort of deadline; whereas there isn’t. It’s still a bit of a struggle even now over 2 months into motherhood, but I’ve been repeatedly reminded of the need to give myself grace and so I’m trying each day to affirm that. Plus, once I got to 6 weeks post partum and was reviewed to be healed well enough to work out – I got right back in the gym!! Felt so good to be back!
In all, I’ve absolutely loved becoming a parent and my boy has made this journey super delightful. Praying that each day is continually guided by God with grace to make the best decisions in Jesus name, amen.
Till next time,
Dr. ETK xo
