Hey everyone!
So the other day I came face to face with the realization that I expect perfection from myself – at every attempt, even if it’s my first day at something.
Sounds unrealistic right? Clearly it is. And yet, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling a type of way in the moment when my shortcomings came front and center. I had seen a patient with a senior GP and an unexpected emergency circumstance came up which completely threw my consultation’s structure out of the window. My supervisor debriefed me afterwards and mentioned how she totally understood why that happened and gave me practical steps to keep the consultation going even if a random health challenge suddenly props up mid way. Her advice truly was helpful and I’ll definitely be taking it forward, I just wish I didn’t feel so bad about messing up slightly – the patient still got the care needed and I’m following up so it’s not about that – it’s just that I don’t expect myself to make any mistakes – but I did.
So I tried giving myself a pep talk while my earphones were in but not playing any music – I reminded myself that I am a first year trainee in GP, this was literally my first day seeing my own patients and I am a work in progress. No one expects me to be perfect and so I need to let up on that personal expectation because it’s doing me more harm than good.
Learning I have shortcomings is difficult to accept, this has happened in other areas of my life and each time I am floored by my personal expectations of perfection from myself, so I end up getting really in my head when I fall short of it. Quite frankly, it’s counterproductive – because I spend more time wallowing about the error rather than just forgiving myself and allowing myself to learn from the incident. It literally takes someone else saying the advice you’re probably thinking about as you read this to me, before I finally snap out of the spiral.
God abeg.
Please if you have tried and tested self-forgiving tools, share with me! A sister needs help.
Till next time,
Dr ETK xo
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